Week 12

It was brought to my attention that I haven’t posted in a while…

Yeah, it’s been a while, and that’s not exactly an accident. I was having a Negative Nelly (or Polly Poopypants) kind of week. It started with that little gain last week, which was the end of one of the LONGEST weeks I’ve had in a long time. I’m talking 12-13 hours out of the house on a daily basis, which during the school year is next to unheard of.

So then I had a half-pound gain, and got into a kind of destructive self-loop. Why am I doing this again? What the heck am I doing eating these monotonous products and avoiding the delicious things that I love? Tell me again why I’m not just “watching what I eat” and taking it slow the way I’ve done (and failed at) so many times?

So I didn’t post. I probably should’ve, since you all have been so supportive…but I didn’t. And instead, it was nose to the grindstone, walking and eating my freaking products, and then my amazing hair colorist (who’s lost a boatload of weight too) told me to take a full-body photograph and compare it to an old one.

I never do that. I hate looking back at old pictures of more than just my face because it’s honestly kind of depressing…but I did it. I mean, I trust Demi with my hair, I should trust her with this. And so, with a typo (originally I put 2014 instead of 2013) I posted this on instagram:

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I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Later that evening, I found an old pair of jeans in a size 16 and tried them on for the heck of it. Not only did they zip, but they fit well and I wore them to work later in the week. I started this at a very tight size 24. My weigh in proved that this wasn’t for nothing…

238.8

Officially down 45.3 pounds.

I’ve got this.

I’m talking to the doctor/dietician about beginning to transition while on winter break, which means one “real food” meal a day. The fact that I’m so excited about 4 ounces of protein and veggies really tells me a lot about how my attitude towards food has changed.

Oh, and also, here’s a picture of what the wonderful Demi did to my hair, while she was giving me some attitude-changing advice. I went back to my brown roots, and am loving how it looks!

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Here’s to a happy and healthy holiday season (even though “my” holiday is over). It’s a rough time of year for me…which I’ll get into this week, I’m sure.

Week 9: all the days

How the heck did this week get away from me??

I feel like I just blinked and BAM tomorrows weigh in day again! Last week dragged on forever, and I think it had a lot to do with the whole running out of bars early thing.

I’ve noticed something recently: I’ve been spending a bit more effort on my appearance on a daily basis. I fell into this rut of really not doing much makeup and clothes wise because I figured that it would take too much effort to even make a dent.

I’ve done my hair almost every day since I got it done at 25 lbs, and I’ve worn makeup almost every day too! Even more important: I remember to take off said makeup with an appropriate product, and (gasp!) use facial moisturizers and eye cream.

Less fat = more wrinkles in this face 😦

I posted this photo last night, and just getting so many wonderfully positive comments from friends from all over the country has kept me motivated today.

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I think I may be hitting a bit of a wall…while I love the progress, I’m getting a little bored with the monotony of the shakes/bars/soups and would still love some sushi/a burger/steak/cheese but the progress is really worth it.

I’ve got this… I’ve got this… I’m the little Optifaster that could…

Week 6: Days 2 & 3

Well, I spent much of the weekend simply enjoying the fact that I actually kind of feel good about myself. It’s been a really, really long time since that happened. I treated myself to my haircut on Friday, and a new pair of fuzzy Ugg boots to wear with skinny jeans. Or as I used to call them, “not so skinny jeans.”

They’re skinny in fit, but they’re still a size 20. But I have to keep remembering that these are jeans I tried on in August and I couldn’t get them past my knees. My dress pants that were embarrassingly tight at the end of the school year now need a belt. But they’re still an 18. I’m still 9 pounds ABOVE my last “I will never see this weight again” weight.

But I’m making progress! Saturday, I didn’t eat popcorn at the movies, and I drank some water while my husband and his mom had corned beef. My mom and stepdad stopped by today to meet our kitten, and I got to talk to my sister in Paris.

I’m still craving ridiculous things, but really nothing new. Salmon sashimi still tops the list. As does chili and a burger.

It was a good weekend, and I’m ready to face this week head-on!

Week 4: Day 5 (I want steak)

Yep, I want steak.

Or roasted chicken.

Or a Chipotle burrito bowl with spicy salsa.

I really just want to CHEW something.

They warned me this would happen… so I had 2 bars today instead of my usual 1. It helped a bit.

I think it’s funny that what I’m craving is chewy protein and not what I normally crave when I’m dieting. Normally I want macaroni and cheese (I’d settle for cheese). Or pizza (again…cheese). Or pasta bolognese (I’d love just a bowl of the sauce).

Everything, with the exception of my one bowl of soup a day, is sweet. The shakes are sweet, the bars are sweet, the other shakes are sweet… I can change the type of sweet, or amount of sweet, but it’s sweet.

Nice roasted chicken with some fresh veggies would be perfectly lovely. Or some grilled salmon on a salad…

And I’ve already decided that the FIRST thing I’m cooking when I’m back on solid food is my favorite bolognese sauce atop spaghetti squash. Or polenta. Yep. That’ll do.

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