Six Months

Six months ago, Adam and I went to the gun range after my very stressful doctor’s appointment and followed that with a “last meal” at Red Robin. A Banzai burger, regular soda, and french fries laid heavy in my gut when I went to bed that night, anxious about what the next days would bring. One day at a time… that’s what I’d committed to do.

Day 1 was not easy. Believe it or not, Days 2 and three were harder. On those days, I was so out of it (more than I would’ve admitted at the time) that I taught my sixth graders the same lesson twice… and no one said anything. It was 90 degrees outside, I had all sorts of lovely skin issue from the heat/sweat/friction…I won’t get too into it.

By the end of the first month, I was in shock at my own success. Yet I was still apprehensive. I still had SO FAR to go. Sure I’d lost 20 pounds, and my clothes were fitting better, but I was still solidly in the same clothes I’d been wearing. Nothing really new, no size changes, and I was still in the state of disbelief in myself. 20 pounds could be an accident. Or water weight. Surely it couldn’t have been what I was doing.

It’s been interesting to look back and read my old posts, for a multitude of reasons. Some days, when I feel like saying “screw it” and eating a giant cheeseburger like I would’ve 6 months ago, I read those first few days and remind myself how horrendous that detox was. I never want to do that again. Some days, when I want to see how far I’ve come, I read the posts from a month in.

At first, I didn’t want to take pictures of myself. I thought it was weird, I thought it was vain…but in reality, they’ve been the biggest help to my own intrinsic motivation. I bit the bullet and started posting progress photos on Instagram and Facebook, and every “like”, comment, and “thumbs up” boosts me up a little bit, especially on days when I really need it.

I’ve had an amazing external support system: Adam has been beyond supportive, my mom and sister have been my biggest cheerleaders, and my friends at work are more motivating than they will ever know. But in the end, it’s in my own head. And I’m really glad I have photos to look at.

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August ——————————————————————————————————October

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November ————————————————————————————— February
Six months in, and I know I have a long way to go. But, instead of it being this incredibly daunting task that I had no idea how to conquer, I’m learning how to make it manageable. One day at a time, one meal at a time, one minute at a time. Choosing to eat my OptiFast bar instead of the brownies in the lounge. Choosing to have four ounces of grilled salmon and roasted veggies instead of a giant burger and fries. I’m the same person that I’ve always been… yet I still feel like I’m completely different.
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Weeks 18 & 19

NINETEEN.

i truly cannot believe that it’s been 19 weeks since I ate a high-fat, high-carb, crazy-caloric day of meals and wondered why I felt like garbage all the time.

NINETEEN WEEKS since I had to gear myself up to get up from the couch.

NINETEEN WEEKS since I looked like 10 pounds of fat in a 5 pound bag. I was pale, pimply, tired all the time, and had so little energy that even walking upstairs was a chore.

My last two weigh ins were rather uneventful. I’m now down a total of 59.9 pounds. I know, I could’ve gone to the bathroom and lost that extra .1, but whatever.

I’ve loved eating one meal a day while still having the security of my Optifast products most of the day. I’m a little nervous to move on to two meals a day, so I’m putting it off for a while longer.

Some things I’m proud of accomplishing (and I need to update my list of goals!)

  • I’m down 5 jeans and dress sizes from a 22 to a 14W
  • My feet are no longer wide
  • I can wear low heels for a whole day (not that I do often with all this freaking snow)
  • I can workout without pain (except the kind I’m looking for!)
  • I don’t reward myself with food, at all

And, finally, I can proudly post pictures like this:

59 lbs gone

The left photo was Western Day in July 2013. The photo on the right was taken Friday, January 31 at the Jean Banchet Grand Chef’s Gala where my sister won Pastry Chef of the Year! 59.9 pounds. I’m still in disbelief.

Week 7: Day 7

257.1

Down another pound and a half! TWENTY EIGHT POUNDS TOTAL!!!

I’m averaging 4 pounds a week, which is above average. I’ve never EVER been an above-average weight loser.

We had a really interesting class today about “stick with it-ness” and I shared with the class about how this all started out as a “have to” endeavor. I had to lose weight to be healthier, to get in a good place to start a family, get my cholesterol down, etc.

And then I was able to buy a pair of pants off the rack at Old Navy. And it’s turned into a “want to” thing. The health stuff is amazing, but honestly, the superficial stuff is great too, and really a phenomenal motivator.

A friend at work today gave me a huge hug and told me she’s proud of me. THAT meant a lot. And so did the number on the scale, but that’s just quantitative proof that what I’m doing is working. I prefer the qualitative proof…the comments, the smaller clothes, the feeling better.

And can you all tell I’m in a data-driven class for grad school? Qualitative and quantitative? Who am I?

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday…it’s been a LONG week!

Week 7: Day 7

257.1

Down another pound and a half! TWENTY EIGHT POUNDS TOTAL!!!

I’m averaging 4 pounds a week, which is above average. I’ve never EVER been an above-average weight loser.

We had a really interesting class today about “stick with it-ness” and I shared with the class about how this all started out as a “have to” endeavor. I had to lose weight to be healthier, to get in a good place to start a family, get my cholesterol down, etc.

And then I was able to buy a pair of pants off the rack at Old Navy. And it’s turned into a “want to” thing. The health stuff is amazing, but honestly, the superficial stuff is great too, and really a phenomenal motivator.

A friend at work today gave me a huge hug and told me she’s proud of me. THAT meant a lot. And so did the number on the scale, but that’s just quantitative proof that what I’m doing is working. I prefer the qualitative proof…the comments, the smaller clothes, the feeling better.

And can you all tell I’m in a data-driven class for grad school? Qualitative and quantitative? Who am I?

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday…it’s been a LONG week!

Week 7: Day 1 (Small Goals)

It’s really amazing to me how second nature this whole “eating only Optifast products” thing has gotten. I look forward to my morning shake (even though it’s getting cold out and the whole frozen beverage thing might not be the best idea soon.) and I really enjoy my evening soup. It’s kind of strange though. I miss cooking: the preparation, the chopping, the shopping… but not so much the eating. It’s weird.

I’ve been thinking a lot about goals too. I get so focused on the number that I’m hoping to hit someday soon, that I lose track of the smaller goals I’m hoping to hit. I’m not talking about numbers here either. This is something that an old Weight Watchers leader once asked us to do, and I’m doing it again, right here, right now:

  • Shop at Banana Republic again
  • Fit into clothes at Lululemon
  • See my collarbones and jaw bones
  • Wear heels for longer than a couple hours
  • Be satisfied with a small plate of food, instead of a mountain
  • Be able to run up the stairs without being winded (really close to that one!)
  • Buy any pair of glasses from Warby Parker without worrying about how wide they are.
  • Run the PanCan 5K
  • Wear a belt

I’ll add more as I think of them. I think this is a great start!