Week 12

It was brought to my attention that I haven’t posted in a while…

Yeah, it’s been a while, and that’s not exactly an accident. I was having a Negative Nelly (or Polly Poopypants) kind of week. It started with that little gain last week, which was the end of one of the LONGEST weeks I’ve had in a long time. I’m talking 12-13 hours out of the house on a daily basis, which during the school year is next to unheard of.

So then I had a half-pound gain, and got into a kind of destructive self-loop. Why am I doing this again? What the heck am I doing eating these monotonous products and avoiding the delicious things that I love? Tell me again why I’m not just “watching what I eat” and taking it slow the way I’ve done (and failed at) so many times?

So I didn’t post. I probably should’ve, since you all have been so supportive…but I didn’t. And instead, it was nose to the grindstone, walking and eating my freaking products, and then my amazing hair colorist (who’s lost a boatload of weight too) told me to take a full-body photograph and compare it to an old one.

I never do that. I hate looking back at old pictures of more than just my face because it’s honestly kind of depressing…but I did it. I mean, I trust Demi with my hair, I should trust her with this. And so, with a typo (originally I put 2014 instead of 2013) I posted this on instagram:

I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Later that evening, I found an old pair of jeans in a size 16 and tried them on for the heck of it. Not only did they zip, but they fit well and I wore them to work later in the week. I started this at a very tight size 24. My weigh in proved that this wasn’t for nothing…

238.8

Officially down 45.3 pounds.

I’ve got this.

I’m talking to the doctor/dietician about beginning to transition while on winter break, which means one “real food” meal a day. The fact that I’m so excited about 4 ounces of protein and veggies really tells me a lot about how my attitude towards food has changed.

Oh, and also, here’s a picture of what the wonderful Demi did to my hair, while she was giving me some attitude-changing advice. I went back to my brown roots, and am loving how it looks!

Here’s to a happy and healthy holiday season (even though “my” holiday is over). It’s a rough time of year for me…which I’ll get into this week, I’m sure.

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Week 11: The last few days

245.3

Yep. I had a gain.

A whole half pound.

Eight ounces.

There’s no way in you know where that I consumed THAT MANY extra calories to truly warrant a gain. I’m not thrilled about this though. It’s just not computing in my crazy brain that I eat no more than 820 calories a day and have GAINED weight.

Then my rational brain kicks in. I had an extremely long last few days. I didn’t leave school before 5:15 any day this week, and haven’t been home before 7. Yesterday, I picked up Chinese food for my husband, and got a container of chicken broth (really, wonton soup without the wonton) to eat instead of making my OptiFast soup. I felt like comfort food and I made the best choice I could. I mean, freaking chicken broth and a few (literally 5 or 6) tiny slivers of pork in there. Do you have any idea how much sodium is in chicken\wonton soup from a Chinese restaurant??

According to fatsecret.com, in ONE CUP of wonton soup broth, there are 769 grams of sodium. That’s 34% of the daily allowance. My OptiFast soup has 600. I’m extremely salt sensitive, AND I slacked off on water yesterday and today. So I’m bloated. It’ll be gone (and then some) next week.

In other news, some non-scale victories happened in the last few days:

I sat in a meeting with my legs crossed like a girl.
My leggings are too big. Like, so much too big that a student noticed.
I noticed I use less foundation to cover my face.
I ran up and down the flights of stairs at work today to get copies and wasn’t in the least bit winded or tired.

THOSE are the reasons that I’m doing this. The number is just that: a number.

Now, someone tell that crazy brain girl to lighten up.

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Week 7: Days 5-6 (The Truth)

I had a friend ask me yesterday if this whole OptiFast thing was as easy as I’ve made it seem here on my little blog.

The truth? NO WAY.

Absolutely, no freaking way is this easy. I mean, sure, I don’t have to plan a darn thing, everything is more or less done for me, I have a built in support system, great doctors and nurses at the weight loss clinic, and the biggest thing is that I have a MAJOR “wanna” to get this done. It’s like in “Stand and Deliver”… you have to have the GANAS. That I have.

But, seriously, I miss cooking. I miss the stress relief after a long day of chopping up vegetables and stabbing garlic cloves into a roast. I miss the smells in the house, i miss roasting vegetables, I miss grilling and even grocery shopping. I miss chewing. I get one bar (maybe two) a day, and chewing gum isn’t the same. I miss going out to eat (not the food so much, but the keeping each other company and talking thing). I miss eating things that aren’t sweet. Breakfast is sweet, lunch is sweet, my snacks are sweet… I have one bowl of soup a day that’s not sweet. I’d still hurt someone for some salmon sashimi, or hell, a glass of wine.

But here’s the thing: the fact that I feel so incredibly great, and for the first time in years I’m losing weight without it being a constant conversation in my head.

“What are we doing for lunch? I don’t know, what are we doing for lunch? I had oatmeal for breakfast which was this many points/calories/units/whatevers so for lunch it needs to be this many points/calories/units/whatevers, and I know that dinner is this many…”

HOLY CRAP it was exhausting. Everything was food. I suddenly have this extra time and energy that isn’t revolving around food. I have 10 minion hats to crochet, and i’m not even concerned about my grad school work.

So is this easy? No. But is it worth it? Absolutely. I figured out today that I can no longer “belly bump” the back gate open. THAT is worth it.

And now, your dose of Zooey Kitten:

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Week 6: Day 5 (Tired)

So far this week, the theme is that I’m tired.

I’ve spent too much time at work, not enough time at home or relaxing, and am all around just beat. I have to re-teach myself something: how to say “no”.

Can you cover my study hall after school? “No, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Can you rework my classroom website for me? “No, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Ok, that’s not so hard.

Now, to get through the 8,000 things I have to do before November 15… I got this.

Hey, at least I don’t have to meal plan on top of everything else I have to do!!

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